Conversations With Me!
by NinjaGirlWithDagger
Summary: I've kidnapped the characters of RA. Check out our conversations, summoning chants, and Halt's Poetry. Yes, I said Halt's Poetry. Rated T beacuse I feel like it. R&R?
1. Halt and His Poetry

**Hey, my peeps! I abso-tute-ly loooooove Ranger's Apprentice. And I've kidnapped all the main characters! Ha ha ha, insanity.**

**Disclaimer: A dream that has yet to come true…**

Me: So, Will, I've kidnapped you!

Will: What? Oh, my god. -curls up in ball and rocks- You are not in Skandia. You are NOT in Skandia! YOU ARE NOT IN SKANDIA!

Me: -coughs- awwwwkwuuuuuurd. Hey, Will? Is your breakdown over yet? 'Cause I have cooooooffeeeeeee.

Will: GIMME! But, do you have any honey?

Me: Pretty sure…oh, sorry. We're all out. How about some sugar?

Will: That's okay! -mumbles- What would Halt do?

Me: Have some sugar. Halt would definitely have some sugar!

Will: I'm lonely and bored! I want Alyss here.

Me: You can summon someone once a week. That's totally fair, don't ya think?

Will: No, it's not fair. Besides, I have a special summoning chant for Alyss.

____

-sings-

__

The stars lean down to kiss you  
And I lie awake and miss you  
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly  
But I'll miss your arms around me  
I'd send a postcard to you, dear  
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue  
But it's not the same without you  
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad  
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad  
'Cause the spaces between my fingers  
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways  
Though I haven't slept in two days  
'Cause cold nostalgia  
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight  
I'll sit on the front porch all night  
Waist-deep in thought because  
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink  
I'll think of you tonight  
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter  
And heavy wings grow lighter  
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew  
But I swear I won't forget you  
Oh, if my voice could reach  
Back through the past  
I'd whisper in your ear  
_Oh darling, I wish you were here_

Halt: -pop- Whoa, how did I get here?

Will: Hey, I meant to summon Alyss!

Me: -laughing till I cry- Oh, oh, my god! This is just t-t-to funny!

Halt and Will: SHUT UP!

Me: Hey, I just thought it was funny.

Halt and Will again: You're an apprentice. You're not supposed to think.

Halt: I wrote a poem.

Me: Interesting change of subject, Halt. Okay, let's hear it!

Halt: Alright, here it goes:

__________

_Will, Will You Ever Shut Up?_

_By Halt_

_Will, will you ever shut up?_

_Because of you my life is out of it's rut,_

_But can you ever shut up?_

_Sometimes, I like Horace better_

_Because he's not a bed wetter._

_But Horace, oh, Horace_

_He can be such a borace._

Will: Hey! Is borace even a word?

Me: -shrugs- I don't know.

Halt: If you ladies would let me get back to poem…

____________________

_And you should see Will on coffee_

_It's like he's made out of toffee._

_He's all over the walls_

_And crashing around in the halls_

_And embarrassing his girlfriend, while she stalls._

_His girlfriend's name is Alyss_

_She deserves to live in a palace_

_But Will won't propose_

_He only sent her a rose_

_So then she stepped on his toes_

_I laughed._

_Now let's get on to Horace_

_Who can be such a borace._

_When we were in Montsombre_

_And…And…And nothing rhymes with Montsombre_

_He was acting so cool_

'_Cause he was out of school_

_And he wanted me to buy a him pool_

_The End._

Me: Wow, Halt. That was…deep?

Halt: Yeah, I have lotsa feelings.

Will: Oooo, Sam, what's this

Sam: That's a lawn mower, Will. NO, NO, DON'T TOUCH THAT! YOU'LL HURT YOUR-

Will: OW! MY HAND!

Me: Let's go to the hospital.-sigh- See you next chapter!


	2. Halt is a BEAST!

****

I'm back and I still own nothing!

Me: Will, I told you not to touch that lawn mower!

Will: What _is_ a lawn mower?

Me: It's a magical machine that cuts the grass for you. As long as you steer. Kind of like a horse with a blade attached to it.

Will: YOU'RE GOING TO STAB MY HORSE? YOU MONSTER! Kill her, Halt. ...'Cause apparently, I'm a "bed wetter"

Halt: Well, it's true! Remember that one time after you fought the Kalkara…

Will: I have no idea what your talking about. Hmph!

Halt: Yes you do! You came screaming into my room because the nightmares were so bad that you'd wet the bed!

Will: Let's all sing a song! -whispers in Sam's ear-

Sam: Okay!

Sam and Will: -sing-

__

Graybeard Halt is a fighting man.

I've heard common talk,

That Graybeard Halt he cuts his hair.

With a carving knife and fork

Fare thee well, Graybeard Halt.

Fare thee I say.

Fare thee well, Graybeard Halt.

For tomorrow's another day.

Graybeard Halt, he lives with the goats.

That's what I've heard tell.

He hasn't changed his socks for years,

But the goats don't mind the smell

Fare thee well, Graybeard Halt.

Fare thee I say.

Fare thee well Graybeard Halt

For tomorrow's another day!

Sam: I've always loved that song!

Will: Me too!

Halt: You better run, Will!

Will: -runs in circles while screaming like a girl

Halt: -chases Will in circles while screaming like a Kalkara-

Sam: Halt, wait! Do you have any poetry?

Halt: -stops in his tracks- Dang right I do!

Sam: -mutters- What has the future done to you?

Halt: Here is my fo' shizzle-ing poetry. Here it is:

Sam: You said here it is like, twice, stupid.

Halt: SHUT UP OR FACE MY WRATH MORTAL!

Sam: -mumbles- awwwwwwwkwaaaaaaard

__

Halt is Totally Freaking Beast

By Halt

Halt is totally freaking beast

He's not ugly in the least

It's like his muscles have yeast.

They're huge.

Halt has a really hot wife

She is the love of his life

So they live in Redmont fief

Away from the toil and strife…

Of dealing with Will on Red Bull

Gilan thinks he's better than Halt

And on his popcorn, he likes salt

But Gilan is nothing compared to Halt.

Because Halt is totally freaking beast

The End.

Sam: Will, is Halt supposed to be medicated?

Will: No, he's just on coffee withdrawal

Sam: Oh, okay. Maybe we should take him to Starbucks.

Halt: -moans- I need my coffeeeeeee!

Sam: C'mon let's go steal a car or something…

Will: What's a car?


	3. Halt Races for Shotgun

****

Hey, I'm broke, otherwise I would be putting Halt's Peril on pre-order

Dang Australians…

Sam: Well, Halt. I figure that we might as well get your poetry out of the way first, while we're feeling all creative and artsy at Starbucks, so let's hear it!

Halt: Well, you see… I got…nothin.

Will: HA! I TOLD YOU SO, OLD MAN! You're mind just can't handle the mental capabilities it takes to be a Ranger anymore, can it?

Halt: Uh, no, Will… That's not exactly it. You see, I miss Pauline, the only light in the dark age of Will-er I mean hopelessness. Heheh

Sam: Awww, Here, I'll summon her for you!

Will: WTF Sam! What about Alyss?

Sam: You already summoned someone this week, stupid!

Will: It's been _**months**_ since you updated!

Sam: SHUT UP, I AM THE AUTHOR AND YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO ME OR YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF THE PLUNGER OF DOOM!

Will: Well, I'm just gonna go back away into a corner…

Sam: AS YOU SHOULD, MINION!

Halt: -slaps Sam- Shut up!

Sam: Well, do you want me to summon her or not?

Will: Geez, what is it with you and punctuation today?

Sam: PLUNGER OF DOOM! Anyways, here goes the summoning chant that I heard in the Maximum Ride section!

Halt: Won't that just summon the, er, Maximum Ride characters?

Sam: I don't know; I usually don't think things through most of the time… Here goes!

Ommmmmmmmmm, pocky pocky pocky, DEAD PINATA! DEAD PINATA!

Fang from Maximum Ride: -Poofs!- Whoa, how did I get here?

Sam: Hey, I can send you back to my other story, What If?, now!

Fang: Don't you dare- -goes back to What If?-

Will: Let's get out of here

Halt: I call shotgun!

Will: Race ya for it

Halt and Will: -Race for shotgun-

Sam: See ya next chapter, and sorry bout the length


End file.
